Be On Time

 

BE ON TİME

Meeting you was the best way to know myself. What you reminded me of and what you made me dream of… On that snowy February night, from miles away, you visualized the possibilities by slowing time. All possibilities, past and future... Your existence was engraved in my memory second by second. Because the slower it was more intense and more real…

“We are all compacted versions of our nothingness that is scattered somewhere. These atoms came together and took your name.”

You ran your fingers over my hand in your palm. Then your gaze locked on my eyes which looked at you with amazement.

“The closer you get to the speed of the universe, the closer you get to yourself. You keep running. You're changing so fast. Don’t. Wait a minute.”

I stared at you like I fascinated. I let myself go with the flow as your fingers slowly moved around my hand. I was thrown into the darkest spaces in the universe you created with your words and voice.

Everything was spinning there. Round and round… An endless return. An undeniable circularity. The time which our tiny consciousnesses thought was linear, was as round as the world that our tiny bodies perceived as flat. I couldn't believe this restriction in front of you. For coming from so far away and being so close to me. Thank you for coming across me like this. When I saw you I thought that I’d already known you were always there. From the very beginning, I’d known that you were with me in the core of a possibility, in the unlived past, even in absence, and that it was you that all I desired. You were the message that the universe wanted to give me. “I don't believe in coincidences,” you had said after we discovered so many similarities. You had always approached our distance, the seemingly impossible, with calmness. You had never rebelled it. Just like you didn't rebel your illnesses... You accepted them. Just like you accept everyone and everything as they are. You were like a joke in my world. Good joke. A joke that carefully prepared by this huge universe.

“But I'm always late.” I said. “Late for you too…”

You silenced me.

“It's not too late. What has to happen, happens. Understand this."

“But before this, don’t you want to?..”

“What would it be if we have never ever met?”  you said, answering my question with a question. Birds took off in the distant space. You turned your gaze to the red sunset. So I looked. The sun, which looked like a fireball, was sinking into the sea. We looked at each other again.

 “The reason you were late wasn't because you were going slow, but because you were too fast to look around. If you didn't stop, maybe you wouldn't be able to see what you see now. To see me, too, of course.”    

“Maybe we sat next to each other at the same place and ate wet hamburgers.” I said laughing. I watched you smile.

"Maybe…" 

“I was in such a hurry.” I said. “I needed to find a job. I was broke. I was homeless. I was wandering here and there. "I found time to eat a hamburger, but I didn't even look around."

“Now you have everything. "You're still trying to get somewhere."

I nodded.

“I guess I just can't get along with time.”

I rebelled against time the most after meeting you. I found it more reasonable to blame time for the uncertainty I was stuck in for a while. However, I knew the truth. Didn't I already confess all these things to myself? Didn't I write? Everything I had thought and written so far had concentrated and brought you to me. I mean it's a joke, I thought "this is a weird joke". What did the universe expect me to see? The meaninglessness of all these coincidences, or what our beings, which seem to coincide meaninglessly, remind each other? Is it best to remember ourselves? Questioning existence again? Learning to slow down? Listening to yourself?.. Reaching the speed of the universe?

“This is the shortest way to reach ourselves.” you said. “Understand the time. Follow it. Swing with it. Stop. Don't run either. All you have to do is to feel it. Be on its path. Be on time.”

“Be on time.” I said again.

Thank you for being on my time. For all the times you pulled me away from the pace of my tawdry world... Thank you for you will be with me tomorrow even if I was sitting next to you yesterday in a fast food shop and not knowing you. For accepting me and everything as they are. For all your similar and opposite sides that remind me of myself. For all these feelings that mark my existence in the world.

Thank you very much.